Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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