My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
