It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
