I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
