it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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