last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
