Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
