It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
