Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
be right there i have to get my cape
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
