the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
