Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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