hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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