3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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