I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
