I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
