1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
