All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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