I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
