He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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