Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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