Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
