...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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