im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
