So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
