Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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