no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have post one night stand depression
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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