Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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