a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
