I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
