Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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