you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
