Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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