dude i'm inner monologue high
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just puked most of my soul out..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
