She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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