My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
