well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
