I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
