They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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