I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
