Someone shit on the floor
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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