Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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