walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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