We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
