she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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