YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
