I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
