I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
