one two three fourrrrnication!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
