Someone shit on the floor
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
