So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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