everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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