After last night, I could never be a politician.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
