Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
