So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
