Kiss
Puke
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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