I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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