I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
