Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
