I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
