You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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