does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
