I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
