but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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