so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
