im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm at about main and main street
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
