So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
