one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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